In my 6+ years of step-parenting in a blended family, I have learned that it can be one of the most difficult things, but also one of the most rewarding and loving things. It has been a journey for me, of challenging moments, and rewarding moments. I know there are many other blended families that are struggling with the same stress, the same frustration, but looking for the same rewarding relationships in the end.
Let’s cover the basics:
A blended family is any family that consists of a couple and their children from previous relationships.
- 1 out of every 3 Americans is either a step-parent, a step-child, or has some other form of a blended family in some way, which means almost 100 million people.
- It is estimated that in the US, 2,100 new blended families form everyday.
So, blended families are very common. They can be very difficult on all of the family members, but putting in the work and effort is worth it, to create a solid family foundation. It can take several years, or more, for a family to find a way that is comfortable for everyone. It is important to remember that the relationships formed within a blended family are can be REWARDING, and what is what you are working towards.
8 Tips to Create a Strong Blended Family:
1- Communication: Open communication between all family members is key. It is important to always express how you feel to your spouse, and to others at times that you want to speak with someone outside of the blended family. It’s important to keep communication open with the children involved, and to encourage them to express their feelings and seek help when needed. Everyone involved in a blended family should have someone they can talk to, to process through bumps and obstacles along the way. (Not sure if therapy is right for you? Check out this blog which addresses that question.)
2- One on One time: It is important to make time to be alone with the children, to work on building an individual relationship. It is also important to set aside time for the couple involved, without children, to maintain a solid relationship between the adults in the family.
3. Support through Transitions: Support the children in their transitions if there is a custody schedule- it is hard constantly moving back and forth between houses! They need a double set of everything at each house, or need to constantly be packing and unpacking a bag. This can make them feel very unstable in their life. Make sure they have someone to talk to about these transitions, and stay positive and respectful when talking to your child about the other house. Try to offer as much stability as you can.
4. Family activities: Find activities that everyone can do together. It is important to find activities that everyone enjoys, to work on building a family unit. Some examples of this would be to go on a hike, or to play at the playground, or have a picnic in your backyard.
5. Respect: It is important to keep an open-mind and an open heart, and understand that this is difficult for the children too. They did not ask for their biological parents to separate, or even have a conflictual relationship. Always speak of the other parent with respect- the child does not want to hear negative statements about their parent.
6. Consistency: It is important to stay consistent with your spouse, with the children, and with your beliefs and values, because all children, thrive off of structure, routine, and consistency. This is another time that constant communication with your spouse is key, so that there is consistency and structure in the household, now that two families are coming together.
7. It’s ok that it’s hard!: It is important to acknowledge that being a stepparent or a blended family is HARD and you are doing the best that you can. There will be hard times, there will be tension at times, there will be times of crying and disagreement, BUT YOU WILL WORK THROUGH IT.
8. Self care: It is important to know that even the most dedicated (step)parent can get exhausted, overwhelmed, and on the way to burn-out. This DOES NOT mean that you are not doing a good job, or that you can’t fulfill the shoes of being a (step)parent, it just means you need a break, some “me time”, to blow off some steam and feel connected with others.
Does the stress of (step)parenting sometimes push you to the edge? What has worked for you to help the family work together and find a good mix, or to help you recharge?