When someone you trust deeply breaks that trust, it can feel like your whole world has been turned upside down. Your mind may feel like it is spinning, and everything around you can start to seem strange or unreal. You might try to talk with your partner about what happened, hoping they will understand your pain. But instead, your emotions may be brushed aside or minimized. You may hear things like, “It’s not that big of a deal,” or “You’re overreacting.” When this happens, you can start to doubt your own feelings and thoughts. You may wonder if you are the problem or if you are imagining things. Slowly, you begin to lose trust in yourself.

You may also feel constantly on edge, watching for signs of what your partner might do next. You might check their phone, social media, or other resources more than you ever have before. You might feel suspicious, anxious, or scared, even if you were never this way in the past. As everything changes, it may feel like you no longer recognize yourself—or your partner.

All of these reactions are common. In fact, they are normal responses to something called betrayal trauma.

January and February can feel like they stretch on forever, especially if you’re navigating constant sickness, a string of canceled plans and disrupted New Year’s Resolutions, icy weather forecasts that keep you stuck inside, or post-holiday blues. Many people find this to be one of the toughest times of the year, which is why the third Monday in January is sometimes referred to as “Blue Monday.” For parents with young kids, this time of year can feel especially isolating, increasing the parenting load.

Cultivating joy and resiliency in the midst of these challenging months can be essential for getting through them without seeing a decline in your mental health. There are several mental shifts that you can make to increase joy in the midst of the struggle of these months. I’m going to share with you four mental strategies to support yourself and create joy.