Creating Joy in the Dark Winter Months

January and February can feel like they stretch on forever, especially if you’re navigating constant sickness, a string of canceled plans and disrupted New Year’s Resolutions, icy weather forecasts that keep you stuck inside, or post-holiday blues. Many people find this to be one of the toughest times of the year, which is why the third Monday in January is sometimes referred to as “Blue Monday.” For parents with young kids, this time of year can feel especially isolating, increasing the parenting load.

Cultivating joy and resiliency in the midst of these challenging months can be essential for getting through them without seeing a decline in your mental health. There are several mental shifts that you can make to increase joy in the midst of the struggle of these months. I’m going to share with you four mental strategies to support yourself and create joy.

#1. Don’t gaslight yourself into happiness.

It may sound counterintuitive, but the first step towards joy is being honest about how hard these months can be. Don’t try to talk yourself out of your feelings or internalize them (i.e. keep them to yourself). Instead, list out the challenges you are experiencing, and offer yourself some grace and compassion for how hard it is right now, the way you would offer it to a friend going through something similar.

For example, if you’re a mom caring for your family amidst the fifth day of the flu, canceling yet another day of activities and play dates, it’s ok to admit that this is hard and exhausting. You don’t need to find the silver lining in every moment. Joy grows best in the soil of honesty, not the soil of emotional avoidance. Start with honesty about the challenges you’re facing- but as you’ll see in the next point, don’t stay stuck there.

#2. Remember that the challenges will pass and won’t last forever.

It can feel like these cold, dark days will last forever. Practice reminding yourself that this moment will pass. On the long nights of soothing a feverish child, or shoveling the driveway at 5 AM before work, remind yourself that this is one snapshot in time, not the full movie. Remind yourself that spring is coming, that the buds are already on the trees, and that the grass will be green and growing again, and before long you’ll be stressed about finding the time to mow it. This moment that feels so huge and overwhelming right now will be a distant memory that you successfully coped with.

By reminding yourself that seasons change, you can put your emotions into perspective. It’s ok to feel overwhelmed right now, but that feeling of overwhelm won’t last forever. It’s a relief to remember that you will get through this challenge and be outside again enjoying a picnic with friends and family in just a few months’ time.

#3. Make a plan to cope with today- you don’t have to cope with the whole month right now!

Take the small view. You may feel overwhelmed at the thought of getting through two more months of daycare germs, of dark, damp weather, and of more time spent inside than outside. But the gift of time is, you don’t have to cope with the entire two months right now. You only have to cope with this one moment.

Anchoring yourself in the present frees you to focus on the decisions you need to make right now rather than getting overwhelmed by the entire trajectory of your week. You can ask yourself, “What’s the problem? What do I need to cope with it right now? Who can I ask for help?” Focus on taking small, actionable steps on clearly defined problems, rather than trying to solve a general feeling of anxiety or discouragement. As much as possible, reach out to others for support, to reduce isolation and boost your mood.

#4. Find the glimmers in your day.

In the previous steps, you’ve been honest about your feelings, you’ve reminded yourself that they won’t last forever, and you’ve made a plan to cope with them in the present. Now you can take a moment to practice joy wherever you are.

Glimmers are the opposite of triggers. They are moments of goodness, beauty, and love where your body feels safe, relaxed, and at ease. When experiencing a glimmer, you may notice that your body feels lighter, your breathing feels deeper, and your mood is happier.

In the winter months, you can find glimmers amidst cozy moments of hygge, where you allow your five senses to soak up the goodness of a coat warmed by the heater before you head out into the cold, the sweetness of your toddler’s morning snuggles even if he did wake you up before the sun, or the warm swirl of coffee and cream on your tongue. You can pause wherever you are, scan your environment, and use your five senses to notice things that bring you joy. Joy doesn’t need to be a tropical vacation. Joy can be quiet and small and rich.

As I write this, I’m looking at a cactus on my desk, pausing to glide my fingers over its succulent boughs, noticing its vibrant greenness, taking in its earthy scent. I am fully present, my breath deepening as I allow this moment of observing the plant to become a glimmer. It is a reminder that spring will come, that the days will feel longer and brighter and offer more connection with others.

In a moment, I’ll carry on with the responsibilities of working and parenting and laundry and meal prep, but by slowing down for this brief moment, I’m creating joy amidst these dark winter months.

If you’re experiencing symptoms of low mood, isolation, or increased anxiety, our team at The Counseling Collective would love to work with you! We would love to support you to develop increased resiliency and joy amidst the challenges you are facing.

Our therapists at The Counseling Collective would be honored to work with you! The mental health therapists at our office offer counseling for a variety of issues including trauma using EMDR, depression, anxiety, grief, and couples counseling. We work with kids, teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Schedule An Appointment here.