WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH IFS?

Every so often, a particular type of mental health therapy takes center stage and gains serious traction in the counseling community. IFS, or Internal Family Systems (not to be confused with the Family Systems approach) is one of them. While it’s more involved than some modalities, it can provide serious insight and healing into our system of beliefs, feelings, and behaviors.

IFS was developed by Dick Schwartz, a psychologist who did work with families. He began noticing parallels between what was happening internally for individual members, and what was happening relationally within the family. He asserted that every person has “parts” that show up to play various roles for that individual. His focus began to shift toward how to identify, organize and heal these parts for each person.

HOW IT WORKS

Dr. Schwartz believes that all people have both parts and a Self. These are always in existence, and while our life experiences don’t cause parts, parts may take on burdens or more extreme characteristics due to our experiences. Our parts are organized into 3 categories, according to Schwartz; Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters.

Exiles are the small parts of us that carry our core wounds. They are often hidden away so that the effects of our trauma aren’t felt. Exiles are guarded by Managers, who take on roles in daily life that divert attention from the pain or fear that the Exile may feel. Managers use different methods to distract from the Exile, and these methods can range from traits like perfectionism, criticism, control, striving, people-pleasing, and so on. Firefighters are parts who take on more extreme roles: binge eating, alcoholism, rage or violence, sexual addiction, etc. They have the same goal as managers, but are looking to “extinguish” negative feelings or memories quickly.

Self is the part of us that has also always existed. It is connected, competent, courageous, and many other good qualities that allow us to take control of our lives for the better. We all have access to Self, but our parts often crowd it out in their efforts to protect our pain, or Exile. Although the concept can seem strange, you’ll probably notice that you use this language in everyday life. For example, you may say something like “A part of me wants to continue the friendship, we’ve known each other since junior high! But another part wonders if the drama is really worth it.“ These are chances to stop and consider that parts may be at play.

THE OBJECTIVES

A hallmark of IFS is to remember that there are no “bad” parts. Even the ones that seem to harass or antagonize us, like perfectionism or criticism, (Managers) are there to create a smokescreen for the real issue at hand, and that is to not feel the pain of childhood (Exiles). The same goes for addiction (Firefighters). All exist for our protection. So what can be done about it? We must get to know our parts by being curious. This is a process, because most of us can’t see ourselves as separate from them. It’s helpful to journal during this time, naming aspects of ourselves that we already know we struggle with. Another helpful practice is to picture yourself at your best. When do you feel most alive, connected, thriving? At these moments when we feel most centered, Self is in charge.

While our ultimate goal is to rescue our exiles and comfort them, we can’t do that until our Managers and Firefighters are willing to stop working so hard to protect, and trust Self to take the reigns. This works best with the help of a trained therapist. Eventually, our parts can let go of the burdens they’ve carried and allow Self to comfort the Exiles. Our goal is never to banish parts, but to allow them to integrate and help in ways that are more balanced. If we are feeling judgmental or uncompassionate towards ourselves, we know we are in a part. Self will always offer love and support.

WHO BENEFITS FROM IFS?

This is a modality that can work for anyone seeking help. Each of us have maladaptive ways of coping with life, no matter how little or how much dysfunction we’ve experienced. Admittedly, the concept of parts is hard for some to grasp. Sometimes, more logic-brained folks have a harder time embracing parts work. Either way, it is an interesting concept to consider. There  are a few benefits I’ve seen from practicing IFS as a therapist. One is that it can help us realize we are not the sum total of our addiction, perfectionism, or any other part of ourselves that we hate. Self is always waiting to accept and love the parts that we don’t –and that is exactly what they are: just parts, not our whole identity. IFS also works nicely with other forms of therapy. For example, sometimes when I use EMDR, a client sees a picture of themselves as a child experiencing trauma. This is an opportunity for Self to comfort the child part and give it permission to release their burden—Self is here now to take over and tell them what they always needed to hear, or comfort them with a hug. In close relationships, it’s helpful to realize a part that wants to pop up when certain pain triggers occur. If we can identify the burden that part carries, we can see more clearly that our partner may not be the problem. Instead, we can offer a comforting reminder to the part that we are no longer in that dangerous or painful situation, and Self can take the lead.

If you’re interested in learning more about IFS, Dick Schwartz wrote a book called No Bad Parts. In it, he explains IFS in basic terms, walking the reader through exercises to identify and tend to parts of themselves. Overall, IFS is an eye-opening, compassionate approach to our human condition and very beneficial to mental health work.

The mental health therapists at our office offer counseling for a variety of issues including trauma using EMDR, depression, anxiety, grief, and couples counseling. We work with teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Request An Appointment here.