The Gottman Method Of Couples Therapy : Why This Method Shines

Ever watched those romantic comedies where characters seem to dance into the moonlight with their partners? Let’s face it, at times our relationship feels more like a wrestling match than a dance. Couples counseling can help through those challenges. There are many different approaches to couples counseling, but one that stands out is the Gottman method. Let’s explore why it’s a good choice for couples, who want to not only get by but to make their relationship the best it can be.

Understanding the Gottman Method

Couple Drs. John, and Julie Gottman, completed years of research and therapy with a variety of couples. Their work is based on real couples, learning from both happy and unhappy relationships. Why is this important? The therapy has actual science to support ways to make your relationship stronger.

Here is why the Gottman Method is so helpful for couples:

Research Turned Relatable

Dr. Gottman studied thousands of couples in a place he called “The Love Lab”. He was able to observe what makes couples tick. These results allowed him to identify specific factors which make or break a relationship. The research behind this method included diversity in research such as same sex couples, varying income levels, ethnicity, and race.

Friends Forever

The foundation of building a healthy relationship is a strong friendship. There are many couples who present to therapy admitting they can’t remember the last time they had fun together. Before diving into conflict or communication, the Gottman method highlights the importance of being your partner’s friend. Focusing on understanding your partner, and what goes on in their own world is the first step to healing the relationship.

Avoiding the Relationship Apocalypse

There are four main predictors of a couple breaking up which the Gottman method defines as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. But no worries, there are four skills  called “antidotes” taught in this method to overcome these bad habits. A couple can repair this damage and restore their relationship.

The Sound Relationship House Visual

With the Gottman Method, every couple receives a handout outlining a clear picture of their relationship strengths and areas that may need work. A picture of a house with 7 floors is provided to you representing your relationship. You and your partner can visually see what areas are strong and where you might want to focus a bit more. Think of it like building a sturdy house – the walls stand for trust and commitment, each layer adds more strength, starting with friendship, resolving conflicts, and reaching all the way up to shared life goals and dreams.

Homework for Love

There is no roadmap for making relationships work, however, the Gottman method is all about making it practical and can provide how to navigate tough challenges. There are multiple different tools that can be used for your specific couple needs. The exercises are introduced in the therapy session and then provided to you to practice in between sessions. This allows you to build confidence as a couple to improve your relationship even outside of the therapy room.

No “One Size Fits All” Approach

Every couple has their own strengths and weaknesses. There are assessments provided through a website called Gottman Connect that allows the therapist to truly understand the couple. These tools help highlight what the couple does well and how they can improve. It allows the therapist to focus on the needs of the couple.

Diverse Perspectives Matter

In the end, the Gottman Method understands that every relationship is special. By considering different backgrounds, this method wants to respect each couple's unique journey. Whether you're dealing with differences in race, money, culture, or who you are, the Gottman Method is here to help you create a strong, happy relationship that tells your own story. When you choose the Gottman Method, you're not just getting help with your relationship; you're choosing a method that appreciates the variety in how people love each other.

Grasping Unsolvable Issues in Relationships

In the world of relationships, it's essential to understand that not every conflict has an easy solution. In fact, about 69% of conflicts are what we call "perpetual," meaning they don't have a clear fix. The Gottman Method gets that relationships aren't about having all the answers. Relationships are about navigating the highs and the lows together. So, when you face those tricky, never-ending issues, whether it's about the to do list, pet peeves or difference of opinion, the Gottman Method is there to help you find ways to manage and live with them, creating a strong connection that goes beyond having everything solved.

Training for Therapists

The Gottman Institute offers special training for therapists who want to use the Gottman method in their work. Every therapist gets the knowledge and tools to handle relationship challenges effectively. Ongoing support includes updates on the latest research and chances for continuous learning. Several therapists at our practice have completed Level 1 and Level 2 trainings to provide easy to follow and helpful therapy.

Conclusion….

So, here's the deal- relationships don’t have to be either a wrestling match or a dance. The Gottman Method can be the guide to building a relationship that's both rock-solid and fulfilling. With its easy steps, homework for your relationship journey, and personalized tools, it's like having a blueprint for challenges. We have several therapists who have completed the Level 1 and Level 2 trainings in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy.

Know that the therapists from The Counseling Collective are here and ready to assist you on the journey when you feel the time is right for you. The mental health therapists at our office offer counseling for a variety of issues including addressing trauma using EMDR, depression, and anxiety. We work with kids, teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Request An Appointment here.