Trauma Through The Lens Of The Enneagram
/Trauma impacts not just our mental state, but our emotional and physical health as well. Today we are going to look at trauma but taking your Enneagram number into account. The Enneagram addresses one’s core motivation- if you need a refresher on the Enneagram, you can read my blog here. Generally, we function within average to unhealthy ranges in our number, occasionally reaching into the healthy range, but difficult situations can drive us deep into the lowest aspects of our wiring. Whether you consider yourself one who has survived a little or a lot, you could probably agree that “pandemic life” has brought us face to face with the harder parts of ourselves and/or relationships with others. Collectively, we’ve experienced an assault on all aspects of our health. Awareness is foundational to action, so while we can’t anticipate trauma, it’s critical we become familiar with our tendencies in order to play an active role in managing them. Learning to catch yourself before you fall—or even while you’re tumbling—can often mitigate the worst of your struggle.
Enneagram 1-- What happens?
1s are almost always the most self-critical number. If something goes wrong, they will take whatever went badly and internalize it as inherent defectiveness. This can become a vicious game of self-flagellation, going over and over in one’s mind what they should have done differently or better. This inner critic will spill over onto others who have not met their expectations.
What to try instead:
Sit down and journal. Out-write the inner-critic. Seeing all of those critical words on paper can bring perspective and the desire to distance yourself from all the pressure you’ve placed on yourself. Remember that while you’re efficient and effective, others can help carry the load and do it well enough, even if it’s not perfect. You deserve to embody and experience more than just a flawless track record.
Enneagram 2—What happens?
2’s feel a whole lot, and they recognize others’ pain and need at the cost of their own. 2s in trauma will internalize blame, take responsibility when it’s not theirs, and generally try to keep everyone happy while forgetting their own need.
What to try instead:
Think instead of feeling. Since 2s are located in the Feeling triad, this is your first response, but pay attention to your repressed thinking. This will bring you more quickly to a place of well-reasoned action rather than emotional reactivity. Remind yourself that your primary responsibly is to and for YOU, and that the things you need are just as important as those around you.
Enneagram 3—What happens?
3s tend to “chameleon” their way through life, adjusting and reframing as they go. In trauma, 3s may find themselves reeling due to the inability to reframe or find the hope in a very bad situation. This leads to shut-down and depression because the inability to find hope in a situation may translate as personal failure.
What to try instead:
“Don’t just do something, stand there” is a popular phrase in Alcoholics Anonymous. This is good advice for a shaken 3. Be cautious, observe the lower side of your emotions, and let them be. Resist the need to control, and instead be curious. This creates authenticity that others can connect with.
Enneagram 4—What happens?
Of all the numbers, 4s are the most comfortable with the lower half of the emotional spectrum. They feel intensely and take information in via feelings vs. thought processes. In their desire to be known as “different” and valued as such, they can overidentify with their traumatic experience, allowing it to define them. This can turn in to a languishing in victimhood and the belief that no one can truly understand them.
What to try instead:
Focus outward as soon as possible. Your natural bent is to focus internally, so shift that to become involved in someone or something other than your inner terrain. Notice when you allow your emotions to become “confirmation bias” of pre-existing negative belief systems and allow others to help reinterpret them. You can learn to identify with your victories rather than your victimhood or what is missing/ has been lost.
Enneagram 5—What happens?
5s are the most cerebral of the numbers and can become lost in their inner world of pondering information and ideas. This can lead to a disconnect from the world around them, their physical bodies, and the recognition/experience of any of their own emotions. There is an unrealistic hope of being able to think their way through anything.
What to try instead:
Take a moment to sit and notice your body. Grounding practices can help you realize there is more to you than your ability to consume, dissect and interpret information. You were created to feel, think and do. Allow one trusted person to talk with you about your situation and help you realize a fuller representation of your experience. Even if you don’t have all the information to feel competent, you can still move forward. Be aware of when you’re hoarding your energy and resources instead of trusting you have what you will need to be ok.
Enneagram 6—What happens?
6s struggle with self-doubt, and trauma only reinforces the belief that a 6 can’t trust themselves. This may be projected out onto others through paranoia that others are out to get them, think badly of them, etc. It could turn into a need for control, or a constant checking in with others to feel sure enough about their decisions.
What to try instead:
On a good day, write down all the reasons why you’re trustworthy, reliable and loyal. Look at this list on bad days and remind yourself of what’s true. Moments of silence and centering are also helpful for 6s. This can be done through meditation, contemplative prayer, yoga, or whatever vehicle works to quiet yourself and allow the swirl of anxiety to calm. Remember that others trust you more than many in their lives because of the person you are.
Enneagram 7—What happens?
7s are consummate reframers who look for silver linings and ways to feel happy and free. Ninety percent of the battle will be to convince a 7 that there is a problem in the first place. Because of the tendency to ignore or reframe negative feelings at all costs, the highest rate of impulsive suicide or “nervous breakdowns” lie with 7s. Compulsive busyness and/or consumption of food, activities, substances, etc. drive them to distract from what they know is lurking beneath the surface.
What to try instead:
Let your experience be what it is. Sit quietly. Sometimes there’s pressure from others to “talk through” hard experiences, but you may not need to process like others do. Making room for the lower half of emotion is a huge and impactful step. Try letting a trusted person share a sad space quietly with you to combat the belief that you can’t depend on others. Remember that hard emotions aren’t quicksand and won’t swallow you whole; you can’t ignore them, but you can move through them.
Enneagram 8—What happens?
Of all numbers, 8s are usually the most outwardly angry and/or aggressive when they’ve been hurt. Betrayal is a core fear, so trauma cuts deep. Black and white thinking may be more obvious, and the desire to cut people off is strong. This can manifest in becoming punitive towards others, but it can also show up as withdrawal into isolation and secrecy.
What to try instead:
It’s important for you to take a moment to step away. Reactivity via extreme reactions or behavior feels natural, so do the opposite. Sit with yourself, your feelings, and your anger, and think about what feels familiar about why you’re so upset in the moment. Then, re-enter the situation with some clarity. Notice when you want to withdraw and remember that others’ perspective may help you to find middle ground within yourself.
Enneagram 9—What happens?
If the average 9 is prone to falling asleep to themselves, trauma causes them to go comatose. Events become forgotten, foggy, buried because of the desire for internal and external peace. The deep-seated fear of “taking up space” intensifies because they believe they just don’t matter enough to make a stink. Any behavior that provides a numbing effect will be adopted in order to avoid the conflict created if faced with their true emotions and opinions about what happened.
What to try instead:
Start by journaling. This forces you to conjure up something—anything! to put on paper. As you realize your true emotions and opinions exist, you can have compassion for yourself and anger at others for what happened. It’s ok to feel and express anger. It’s ok that you may not stay as angry as the average person. Find some vindication in locating your sense of agency by expressing outwardly what’s inside. This will create a sense of power in your peace.
I hope these tips have resonated with some of you, and that you will begin to explore the opportunity you have to work with your number to achieve the life you really want!
The mental health therapists at our office offer counseling for a variety of issues including trauma using EMDR, depression, anxiety, grief, and couples counseling. We work with teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Request An Appointment here.