Going Deeper With The Enneagram

Discovering your number is just scratching the surface when delving into Enneagram wisdom. Although it can seem confusing at first, there is so much continuity and interconnectedness that makes sense once we take a harder look. The Enneagram is unique in that it types us as humans, but it also connects us all by weaving common threads throughout. As you will see, as different as we are, we are more similar than we think, and the Enneagram showcases this beautifully. Let’s talk about a few ways to gain deeper insight through the Enneagram.  

Centers 

The Enneagram often operates in groupings of 3, as shown below. Each triad shares common assets and liabilities. 8s, 9s and 1s reside in the Instinctive center, sometimes called the Gut center. 5s, 6s and 7s share the Thinking center, and 2s, 3s and 4s, the Feeling center. Each center has a dominant emotion. The Gut center’s emotion is Anger. The Thinking center defaults to Fear, and the Feeling center feels Shame. Although triads share emotions, each number copes with that emotion differently. For example, 8s, 9s and 1s are all in the Anger center, but 8s feel their anger quickly and freely, 9’s deny it altogether, and 1s push it down until it becomes a simmering resentment.  

Wings 

Your wing is the number to the left or right of your Enneagram number, and nowhere else on the wheel. For example, you cannot be a 1w7, only a 1w2 or a 1w9. Your wing never changes the core motivation of your number, but it can flavor it, compliment it, and sometimes be diametrically opposed to it. For example, a 9 (Peacemaker) with an 8 (Challenger) wing may find that the typical 9 trait of avoiding conflict at all costs doesn’t fit well. They have the ability to be very direct when necessary. However, unlike the 8 they will not be inflammatory in their delivery, and also unlike the 8, they’ll revert quickly to worrying they may have just damaged or lost the relationship due to their directness.  Wings can cause one number to look like another in the way that it influences the personality. It’s important to remember core motivation when looking at the differences in numbers and their wings, because this will always confirm the accuracy of one’s type no matter what the “flavor”.  

Stress and Growth  

Although our wings can help us see our similarities to others, our stress and growth numbers are an even better example. If you’ve looked at an Enneagram wheel before, you may have been confused by the many arrows and lines throughout the circle. Enneagram wisdom tells us that we have the capacity to operate in 3 ranges: healthy, average, and unhealthy. It also tells us that most of the time, the majority of us are operating out of average to unhealthy range. Enneagram expert Suzanne Stabile says that when we’re quite sure we’re healthy, we can bet that we’re much closer to average or unhealthy. Depending on where we are in those levels, we will take on traits of our stress or growth number.   

For example, 9, when stressed or disintegrating, takes on the anxious and even paranoid traits of 6. But in growth, 9s become like the achieving 3. They awaken to their internal compass (or Gut) and move into action. It’s interesting to notice that each number’s stress number will be that number’s growth number. For example, 6 goes to 9 in growth and 3 in stress. 3 goes to 9 in stress and 6 in growth. This pattern shows the interconnection in how we relate to one another. If we’re intentional, we can begin to observe tendencies towards growth and disintegration. We can even be intentional about choosing the traits of our stress/growth numbers have to offer. For example, a 9, rather than becoming anxious and fearful of what may come as a 6 tends to do, can instead choose to take on the positive qualities a 6 offers: an awareness of the need to plan ahead and anticipate what’s to come, versus the 9’s typical tendency to bury one’s head in the sand.  

Stances 

Stances are broken into triads just as centers are. Stances refer to the way your number interacts with or approaches the world. Although most of us can think of examples of acting out of all three, our number will default to this particular stance, usually in times of unfamiliarity or stress. The triads are Aggressive, or moving against, Compliant, or moving with, and Withdrawing, or moving away from. Numbers 3,7 and 8 are of the Aggressive stance. This means they tend to move against a person or thing that stands in the way of what they want or need. 1, 2 and 6, are the Compliant stance, and look for a reference point outside themselves to assist in getting what they want or need. 4,5 and 9 are Withdrawing, meaning they will look internally for unmet needs. Ian Crohn has said that assessing one’s stance is a great way to narrow down and decide on your number. If you know you tend to withdraw from others or life’s challenges in general, you can be sure you’re not a 3,7 or 8. Stances are not good or bad, unless, like anything else, we get completely stuck there.  

Orientation To Time 

Yes, it gets this specific! This little tidbit is so helpful in relationships, and the title is pretty self-explanatory. These triads are Past, (4,5,9) Present (1,2,6,) and Future (3,7,8).  

Therapy and the Enneagram 

There are many therapeutic interventions that I use as your therapist that are empirically tested to be beneficial to your healing and growth. Additionally, knowing your number as your therapist gives me insight into you in a very specific and personal way. It will direct how I approach you, the language with which I communicate, and the suggestions I’ll make for optimal growth and insight. For example, if you’re a 4, I will not choose a “silver lining” approach. Forcing a 4 out of their struggle into looking at the bright side can feel very invalidating, as they are the number most comfortable with melancholy. However, if you’re a 7 and I suggest you “sit in your pain for a moment”, you’ll probably fight the urge to bolt for the door; 7’s avoid negative emotions at almost all costs as they feel they’ll become trapped there. These are two small examples out of hundreds. Knowing these facets of you and navigating around them helps me help you most efficiently, and in a way in which you can best receive it.  

Hopefully these features give a deeper insight into who you are in your number. But it doesn’t stop here! There is more yet to learn if you desire to go further. Why does all of this information matter? Perhaps the answer is in the question; information is data to be observed, interpreted, and then acted on in whatever manner you choose. The more insight you glean into “you”, the more potential you possess for growth and change. If this interests you, I’d love to work together with you to uncover your potential through the Enneagram! 

The mental health therapists at our office offer counseling for a variety of issues including trauma using EMDR, depression, anxiety, grief, and couples counseling. We work with teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Request An Appointment here.