Using the Gottman Method for Couples : How The Sound Relationship House Can Improve Relationships
/Relationships in general can be difficult, especially in a marriage relationship. We often think if we have love that will be enough. While it is essential, it is not always enough. In most marriages there is often conflict, miscommunication and emotional distance that can enter in even between partners that are devoted to each other. This is where the Gottman Method can be helpful to couples wanting to strengthen their marriage. The Gottman Method is a research-based approach to relationships that has helped thousands of couples build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
What is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method has over 40 years of research on couples and was developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. The foundation of the method is based on practical tools to improve communication, deepen emotional connections, and navigate conflict in healthy, constructive ways.
While the method was developed for couples, its principles can benefit any relationship, whether in dating, newly married or decades into a partnership. The main ideas and concepts in the Gottman model are to identify areas of strength and what is working well in the relationship as well as identify areas of growth. This is done with a structured model to help build more areas of strength in the relationship. One of the main models that is at the center of the Gottman Method is the The Sound Relationship House.
The Sound Relationship House is a model that outlines the basic components that make up a healthy relationship and gives a blueprint of how to evaluate a plan for lasting love. It has seven floors, so to speak, that make up each level of the house. These include:
Build Love Maps- Get to know your partner’s world deeply: their fears, dreams, stressors, and joys.
Share Fondness and Admiration- Express appreciation and respect regularly.
Turn Toward Instead of Away- Respond to your partner’s bids for attention and connection, even in small amounts.
Maintain a Positive Perspective- See the good in your partner and approach with optimism.
Manage Conflict- Accept that conflict will happen, and learn to talk about it in a constructive manner without blame or defensiveness.
Make Life Dreams Come True- Support each other’s personal and shared goals.
Create Shared Meaning- Build a life rich in rituals, and values that both cherish.
The hope in using The Sound Relationship House is that it will teach couples how to communicate effectively, listen with empathy and support each other emotionally even during times of stress and conflict. The hope of the Gottman Method is not to eliminate conflict in the relationship, but instead help manage conflict in a healthy and productive manner. The goal is to learn to repair after disagreements and be able to build emotional safety even in the midst of conflict and stress.
There are many interventions that the Gottman Model uses that help each couple find the fit that is right for them as they learn skills to implement into their relationship. This model typically involves assessments, solo and joint sessions and exercises that are designed to improve the relationship dynamics. So whether you are navigating a rough patch or are wanting to deepen your connection, the Gottman Model can offer a structured and research based model.
A healthy loving relationship needs more than romance to thrive for the long haul. The Gottman Method ideally will allow couples to build emotional connection, shared values and intentional growth. We have several facilitators that are trained in the Gottman Method and are accepting clients. The mental health therapists at our office also offer counseling for a variety of issues including trauma using EMDR, depression, anxiety, grief and more. We work with kids, teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Schedule An Appointment here.